My next featured story is of Dyrand, my oldest brother, and his wife's adventure of falling in love. It too was a fast-paced courtship as you'll read below. Let it be known that the Wagner men do not waste time. LOL They set their sites and the rest is history. My parents have raised us with a high view of marriage, that it is meant for most people and so they start preparing us from very young. All three of my brothers married young.
Dyrand (19) and Maegan (18)
Kyle (20) and Karissa (19)
Dylan (18) and Hannah (19)
My parents: Dad (21) and Mom (17)
My paternal grandparents: Grandfather (19) and Grandmother (16)
My maternal grandparents: Grandfather (26) and Grandmother (17)
So you see, we already have a heritage of young godly marriage examples that have worked out beautifully. When people have asked my parents why they have allowed their sons to marry young, the response has been, "Why not?" Why not figure life out together? Proverbs 5:18 says...May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. The prerequisite for my brothers to marry was that they had to have a good work ethic to be able to provide and be willing to spiritually lead a family. If you ask any one of those six couples above if they regret marrying young, their answer will emphatically be no.
Dyrand and Maegan were married on August 21, 2010 and almost four years later, they now have two beautiful children and another one joining the Wagner clan in mid-August. :) That's three children under two years old! As I said before, children are a blessing!
Blessings,
Ashley
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Dyrand & Maegan's Courtship Story
as told by Kelly Wagner (my mom)
Purposeful Friendship/Getting to Know One Another- May 2009
Courtship Began-
June 4, 2009
Engaged- July 4,
2009
Married- August 20, 2010
How did our families meet?
In September 2006 the Wagners were in the market to
purchase a few goats for their newly acquired hobby farm. After doing a Google
search, we discovered the Smith family were the closest goat breeders. We met
the entire lovely family-Greg, Desiree and their 6 daughters and 1 son. We
discovered that evening that we had several core values in common such as
homeschooling, theology and modesty. It was a family that we thought would be
great to develop the relationship; however, life became busy and we did not see
them again for two years.
When did Dyrand and Maegan become acquainted?
In the fall of 2008, we felt that we needed to seek out
godly friendships for our children. The Smiths had a church fellowship in their
home. Because of the impression the Smith family left on us, we thought it
would be nice to visit with their fellowship occasionally on Sunday afternoons
after our church service was over.
In January 2009, Dyrand was speaking at various churches
as he was preparing to begin his journey into missionary aviation. The Smith’s
fellowship invited him to speak and sing there. Shortly thereafter, Dyrand met
with Greg to ask his permission to get to know Maegan better as a friend in
order to consider beginning a courtship sometime in the future. Greg asked
Dyrand some questions such as what his short-term goals were, where he was
headed vocationally, his spiritual life and how he would like to get to know
Maegan better. Greg and Desiree decided it was fine for Dyrand and Maegan to
email casually. It started out about once a week. By the time May rolled
around, the emails were flying back and forth at a rate of 4-5 a week sometimes multiple daily. They
discussed everything from birding to theology. It should be said that Maegan
had no idea that Dyrand met with Greg and was considering a courtship for the
purpose of protecting Maegan’s heart. In the meantime, the Smiths and the
Wagners scheduled family work days together as well as game nights. This gave
Dyrand and Maegan an opportunity to develop their friendship more face-to-face.
During the month of May 2009, Greg asked to meet with
Dyrand. He told him it was obvious that heart strings were growing rapidly and
it was time to make a decision to court Maegan with the intention of marrying
her or walk away. Greg met with Dyrand a few more times to discuss everything
from Dyrand’s theology, his finances, purity, what headship in the home would
look like, birth control, etc… It was a thorough time of evaluation to decide
if Dyrand was capable of leading a family physically, emotionally and
spiritually.
June 3rd, Greg and Desiree gave their blessing for Dyrand
to court Maegan. Dyrand wrote a sweet letter summarizing how much the previous
few months meant to him and how Maegan’s friendship had blessed him. He told
her of his intentions to serve on the mission field. At the end of the letter
he asked if she would do him the honor of beginning a courtship with him to
seek out if it was the Lord’s will for them to be joined in marriage. He then
read the letter and recorded it on a DVD. Greg took the DVD home to Maegan. He
told her it was a mission’s presentation of sorts. Maegan’s response was one of
surprise and great delight. She said yes!
On June 7th, both sets of parents along with the couple
met to discuss how the courtship would look. Greg asked Dyrand what his
physical boundaries were going to be. Dyrand responded that his desire was that
there would be absolutely no physical touch until the wedding day- no
handholding, hugging, kissing, etc… He then asked Dyrand how he intended to
accomplish this and the response was that he and Maegan would never be out of
sight of a sibling, parent or grandparent. They could talk privately but always
in view of accountability. Maegan agreed to this. Neither set of parents had imposed these boundaries on Maegan and Dyrand. It is not a biblical mandate. However, they wanted to marry in 100% purity and felt that was a way to achieve that.
Because Dyrand was going to be leaving August 22nd to
attend SMAT in Michigan for a year, both families made every opportunity
possible for them to get together before he left so as to see if this was going
to be a courtship ending in marriage or parting ways.
Since February, both sets of parents and Dyrand began
praying as to whether this relationship was the Lord’s will. Greg felt so
certain that Dyrand was God’s choice for his daughter, so much so that Dyrand
requested to propose marriage to Maegan on July 3rd with Greg and Desiree’s
(Jim and Kelly’s as well) full blessing.
What next?
While we do not recommend a long engagement if the couple
sees each other often, both parents knew that Maegan and Dyrand would be able
to maintain purity as Dyrand was going to be away for an entire year with the
exception of a week home at Christmas.
The wedding date was pending Dyrand’s graduation from
SMAT and having full-time employment. In June of 2010, SMAT hired Dyrand on to
do an A&P internship. He graduated from SMAT on August 13th. Dyrand and
Maegan married on August 20th, 2010.
Did they maintain purity in their relationship?
Yes! The very first time they touched was when Greg
placed Maegan’s hand in Dyrand’s at the altar. After Jim (who officiated the
wedding) declared them husband and wife, they left the sanctuary to share their
first kiss in private while the congregation worshiped singing several hymns.
It was a precious time of celebration.
Are all courtships done this way?
No. Every courtship is different. Families are different.
The goal of courtship is to determine whether it is the Lord’s will for the
couple to marry or part ways without sacrificing physical intimacy, being bound
emotionally, etc… The purpose is to sort and glorify God with the relationship.
